So as America melts down in a colossal  boom of bad news (just read Glenn Greenwald and Matt Taibbi) and as my age becomes more inescapable every week, and I wonder what to make of my perplexing non-career after finishing a 1997 PhD. in Berkeley Cal— the thousands of students, countless classes, letters galore, four thousand shots of espresso in 45 cafes, five book projects—and of course I acknowledge Natalie Goldberg affirming “doubt is torture,” so I take five slow, deep breaths, and January 2010 comes back to me, and I remember sophomore Sara Rendell,  and I can visualize the Sara Rendell who, when abroad, would write me letters even Proust would envy,  and I even imagine the Dr. Sara Rendell (MD./PhD.) I haven’t seen in years, my heart expands and I  vow to be in love with this wrecked, wondrous world.

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