Tête-à-tête, Por Favor


“Welcome Back” isn’t going to cut it.
We are going to have to have a tête-à-tête

After carefully scrutinizing my extremely packed schedule, I have concluded that the following days are available for you to choose from. As you can see, I had to cancel some major appointments to make room for you–

Sunday 1/11: Open
Monday 1/12: Open (cancelled manicure)
Tuesday 1/13: Open (cancelled Peace Summit with Uribe administration—it’s been 40+ years … what’s another day?)
Wednesday 1/14: Open (cancelled session with personal trainer)
Thursday 1/15: Open
Friday 1/16: Open (cancelled Awards Dinner for Pulitzer Prize)
Saturday 1/17: (cancelled seance meeting with Jane Austen)
Sunday 1/18: Open (cancelled eyebrow-waxing appointment)
Monday 1/19: Open (cancelled interview with The Nation)
Tuesday 1/20: Open (cancelled meditation session with thich Nhat Hanh)
Wednesday 1/21: Open (cancelled my speech at the UN)
Thursday 1/22: Open (cancelled appointment with personal tailor)
Friday 1/23: Open (cancelled appointment with my accountant)
Saturday 1/24: Open (cancelled dinner date with Legolas)
Sunday 1/25: Open (cancelled the Second Coming of Our Lord)
Monday 1/26: Open
Tuesday 1/27: Open (cancelled Awards Dinner of Peace Prize)
Wednesday 1/28: Open (cancelled my seat at the Oscar’s and taped my acceptance speech instead)

Clearly I am a very  in-demand person—but I cancelled it all to open my schedule to you.

Understatement of the year: Happy you are back …




—from novel in progress, Our Heroic and Ceaseless 24/7 Struggle against Tsuris


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